Title: Finding You
Disclaimer: I don’t own them, only the weird plot.
Summary: Donghae and Kibum’s emotions. I hate writing summary’s :(
Note: This is written from Donghae and Kibum’s point of view.
“What happened?” I asked Kibum as soon as I walked into the kitchen, something was wrong with him, I could sense it when he had walked in on me and Hyukjae in bed.
He turned around to face me with a smile on his face and my heart stopped. Something was seriously wrong.
“What is it?” I asked feeling my eyes fill with tears.
He took two tentative steps forward but he wasn’t close enough for me to touch him.
“Just tell me” I said feeling a tear run down my cheek. I could feel the sadness in Kibum and just like it always had it brought me to tears.
“Nothing” he said with a smile on his face “you’re such a crybaby” and then he turned around and walked back to the stove to stir the food he was cooking.
I bit my bottom lip as I watched him cook. He was lying. I could tell.
“You can tell me” I said after a minute of watching him try to hide his feelings from me.
I laughed at Donghae’s comment; he always knew when I was hiding my emotions from him. It was something I loved about him, and it was the thing I hated most about him.
“Donghae” I said turning around to face him, at least he wasn’t crying anymore.
“Yes” he said with a hopeful smile. It broke my heart. How could I tell him the truth?
“Nothing happened” I said, it wasn’t a lie.
“But” he started and I cut him off
“You always assume something bad happened. I’m just…” I said letting my sentence die before I could give a lame excuse.
“Having a bad day” Donghae finished, he always finished my sentences. I think he’s a mind reader.
I smiled as a reply knowing he would understand what I was trying to say before I turned back around to finish cooking.
He smiled at me, a smile that said ‘you know me too well’ and then he went back to cooking. I knew something was still bothering him but I didn’t want to push him. So instead of forcing him to tell me I opted to change the subject.
“Me and Hyukjae cleaned out the spare room” I said
“Hyukjae?” Kibum asked
“Did I never tell you his name? Hyukjae is my boyfriend” I said but as soon as I said it I felt bad, I didn’t want to rub it in his face that I moved on, because I have moved on.
“That was nice of you” he said not bothering to turn around from his cooking.
I bit my bottom lip when the span of the silence reached over a minute, he wouldn’t even turn around to face me.
“Bummie” I whispered too softly for him to hear. There was something seriously wrong with Kibum.
I was so immersed in my thoughts that I barely registered Donghae’s presence. If it wasn’t for the fact that Donghae emitted a certain heat that changed the temperature around you, I wouldn’t even have noticed he was still standing there. I was too busy thinking about earlier
After I had seen the posters advertising Prom covering about every inch of the hallways in school I got the perfect idea to try to win Donghae back.
I walked towards the school office with a new formed determination, Prom Night-A night to change your heart. That was the theme and what better way to win back Donghae’s heart then some cliché teenage tradition? If there was a better way then I was certainly unaware of it.
When I reached the office I bought 2 tickets. I would change Donghae’s heart. He had loved me once; he even used to say that forever wasn’t long enough when he talked about how long we would be together. I remember thinking he was crazy, now all I wished for was the ability to go back in time. I closed my eyes and sighed letting a smile spread across my face, I would change Donghae’s heart.
When I got home I still had the smile on my face and as I ran up the stairs towards Donghae’s room it only got bigger. I burst through his door thinking he was probably still moping in bed when I saw it. Donghae was cuddling in the chest of his boyfriend, the boyfriend who said I should take care of Donghae now. What was he doing here?
Donghae jolted awake from my intrusion and smack his head into the older man’s head. He pushed Donghae away saying they weren’t doing anything. My heart felt like it had been incased in concrete, the hope I felt of getting Donghae back disappeared at that moment. There was no winning Donghae back. He may still love me but there was no getting him back. He had chosen and he hadn’t chosen me.
I quickly pushed those feelings deep inside myself as I noticed Donghae’s questioning glace at me, he knew something was wrong. He always knew when something was wrong with me. I willed myself to speak, to break Donghae’s stare before he could figure out my heart but all that came out was “Uhhh”
There was silence for a minute, the longest ‘choke the life out of you’ silence until Donghae’s boyfriend said “We weren’t doing any…umph” as he crawled away from Donghae only to fall off the bed.
I willed myself to laugh, forced the laughter up my throat and pushed it out my mouth with the remaining composure I had left. ‘Laugh’ I screamed in my head ‘laugh so they can’t feel your pain’.
Both their heads shot to my direction. ‘Say something’ my mind screamed ‘say something and get out of here’
“It’s okay…I’ll be downstairs” I managed to say and then I left the room, leaning against the door. Even though I knew this was possible I hadn’t expected it to hurt so much. Donghae had truly moved on.
I could hear their mumbled talking through the door and I knew I should move. I wouldn’t be able to live if Donghae came out here and saw me falling apart. So I did what I did best, I hid my emotions and walked downstairs to distract myself.
*****End of Flashback*****
I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard Donghae’s footsteps slowly walking toward me. I closed my eyes and took a breath before I turned around with a smile on my face
“Hungry?” I asked
“Kibum” Donghae said and I shot him a look that said ‘don’t’. He stayed silent for a second and then he smiled and said “Yes, I haven’t eaten all day” and I nodded my head acknowledging his words before I dished out two plates.
The beginning of our meal was spent in silence until Donghae couldn’t take it anymore and started asking stupid questions like “how was school?” and even “So how about this weather” and even though my heart was breaking I smiled genuinely.
After we finished our meal the awkward silence returned. It was killing me, I wanted to ask what was wrong with him but I knew he didn’t want me to, and I also knew it wasn’t my place to ask anymore.
I had to do something before the silence drowned us both. I clapped my hands when a thought popped into my head.
“Do you want to see your new room?” I asked him, he smiled as a reply so I led the way to his new room.
As soon as I opened the door my face flushed red, there on the bed the sheets where crumpled and twisted. It was evidence of the heated make out session Hyukjae and I had shared earlier, before I had told him the story between Kibum and myself.
The temperature in the room seemed to increase as I stared at the bed. And like anyone who was trying to save themselves from embarrassment I yelled “I just realized I have to use the bathroom” before running out of the room.
Once I got into the bathroom I looked at my reflection in the mirror, my face was flushed so I splashed water on myself to try to calm down. Hyukjae had succeeded. I wanted him to make it impossible for me to walk by Kibum’s room without blushing and that’s exactly what he did. I silently scolded myself for coming up with such idiotic ideas but in the back of my mind I was really happy because every time I entered Kibum’s room the only person I would think about would be Hyukjae, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I left the bathroom as soon as my face returned to its original color. I walked back to Kibum’s room to find that he was fixing the sheets.
I tried very hard to stop myself from blushing.
“Uhh” is the only thing I could say and he turned to look at me his head tilting to the side when he saw my blushing face “I guess I didn’t do a good job fixing the bed” I said, no it wasn’t a lie Hyukjae was the one who fixed the sheets all I did was put the pillows on it.
“I guess” he said with a smile and I assumed he believed my blushing face was from embarrassment of the state of the bed. He went back to fixing the bed and I just stood there like an idiot. After he was finished that awkward feeling returned, why was I standing there? I couldn’t come up with an answer
“You probably have homework” I said “I should leave” and I did just that without waiting for a reply from him.
I did not see Kibum for the rest of the day.
I hid in my room.
The next time I saw him is when my mother called me down for dinner. To say it was awkward would be an understatement. We did not look at each other the whole meal. We did not say anything after the meal and I realized that he must have known what we did in his bed. I was an ass. Why didn’t I think making out in Kibum’s bed would hurt him? I had loved Kibum once, and in a way I still loved him but I rubbed the fact that I had someone else in his face. I hung my head low and right as we were passing my room I said “Sorry” before opening my door and entering it as fast as I could.
I sunk to the floor as soon as my door closed no longer being able to hold in the tears. Somehow I managed to crawl to my bed and burry myself under the covers before I completely broke down.
I was not a good person.
Donghae had apologized to me. I thought I had been doing a pretty good job at keeping secret that I knew Donghae and Hyukjae had been doing something in my bed, but I guess I was wrong.
I stared at his closed door, I knew he was crying. Like he could feel my pain, I could feel his. I walked to my room slowly and once inside forced myself to lie on the bed.
I fought my tears for almost an hour, but eventually my strength dissolved. I curled in a ball and cried.
I was not a good person, I deserved this pain. I had left and he moved on.
I was not a good person.
this was very hard to write. did you feel bad for Kibum? that's what i was going for but i'm not sure if i succeded. but anyways thank you for reading